You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
