Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
