Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
