I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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