just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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