Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
