im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
