forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
