So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
