i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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