i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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