True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
