dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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