You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
