I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
