he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
