I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
