my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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