I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
