sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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