you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
