she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
