I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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