Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
