Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
