Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
