ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
her vagine was all disorganized.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
