Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
