I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
