He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
