I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
