pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
