i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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