I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
