FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
