we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
