You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
