Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
