How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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