i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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