so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how do flat chested girls get laid?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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