Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
