I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
