great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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