Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
