I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
