I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
