Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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