she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
