I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
