YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
