We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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