it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
