This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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