If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
