thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
