Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
