4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this will be a night to untag.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
