i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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